Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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