Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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