wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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