Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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