Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Swine flu. Run for my life!
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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