She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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