We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
