well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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