Jerry, you need to find god
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize