from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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