I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
