The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
