i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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