If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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