I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Congratulations! We have a period
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
