Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
