he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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