he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
