she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
