They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My life is pants optional.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
