That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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