And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
