"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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