I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she peed on how many people?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
