SEEEEXXX PLEASE
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
