We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
