Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
