So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
