I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize