so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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