Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
