No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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