If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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