In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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