Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
