I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
