it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
