i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
