yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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