i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Randomize
