my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize