Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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