I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
