awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
No subtext here. People are naked.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You are the jesus of drinking
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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