drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
All I want is dick and wine.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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