Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I understand Curling. That high.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize