you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
