She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize