look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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