Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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