I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
