Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
