You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
