When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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