I'd wear matching sweaters with you
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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