Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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