the condom got lost in my hair
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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