i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize