i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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