Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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