I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize