break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
