Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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