Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
