you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
