Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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