Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
