life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
