I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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