tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
