dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Randomize
