So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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