fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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